she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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