today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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