Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
