Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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