I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
