Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
