I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
