Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
