she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
