Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
