i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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