yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
