Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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