He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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