who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do vagina's smell?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
