im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
