Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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