Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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