Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
