I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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