Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
