Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
