Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
