i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
