The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
