Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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