Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
