In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
