1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
