There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
