i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think people are normalizing furries
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
