your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
