We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
