he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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