I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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