pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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