I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
