I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
