She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
