The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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