I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
