He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
