Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
