Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
