K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
