my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
