ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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