i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
