The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
