His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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