I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
