Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
